I haven't picked up my needles since I finished the voodoo doll. Between housework, car stuff and and getting ready for out of town visitors, I just haven't had time to work on my projects. I may as well have been knitting, because little did I know I was preparing to kick it with the forces of evil. Please close your browser window if you don't want to read about The Politics.

The out of town visitors were born again. And Ann Coulter fans. Also, I think they voted for Bush. Both times. I believe I have pissed off that vengeful god I've read about. I only used that voodoo doll once! I swear! I would like to point out that these visitors are a friend of Monkey King's from his childhood and said friend's wife, not anyone I, personally, know.

As a gay loving, social program supporting, pro-choice, anti-war, BIGFATDEMOCRAT, being told that "the blacks vote Democrat for the welfare," is, uh, NOT the way I like to start the evening. Please know that Monkey King and I jumped all over THAT the instant we recovered from our shock that those words had actually been spoken.

So the night wore on. We took them out for Korean food. They couldn't eat with chopsticks. Anything spicy was out for the wife. They were confused by, well, pretty much everything on the table. Then we took them to Georgetown. I guess I was in the ladies room somewhere when M.K.'s friend suggested that I be given a copy of some religious book to help set me on the right path. Uh huh. (Side note: Yesterday in the Target parking lot, someone had thoughtfully tucked a copy of Jack Chick's tract, This Was Your Life under my car door handle. Coincidence? I think not!)

Y'all, that was just one night. Thankfully, they decided to do the rest of their sightseeing alone. I guess being guided around liberal minorities all day didn't sit well with them. *She said snottily.*

Anyway, that's my update/rant. I wish I had a cat so I could put up a better picture of an animal doing something actually cute, instead of Murder Fish doing something stupid. Oh well. Here he is.

"Shit bitch, you is fine! You must be tired, cuz you've been running through my mind ALL NIGHT. I lost my number, can I have yours? Uh, are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world! Boy, you sure are quiet."

According to Papa Jim's Spell Book #3, to use a voodoo doll for the purposes of revenge involves a black doll, parchment paper, reversible oil, valerian herb, vetiver herb, black cloth and 9 black pins. Oh, and some ritual stuff and the ability to follow through.

I have none of the above (except the spell book).

What do have, however, is a love of knitting and plenty of cream colored yarn! (And hate. Ohhhh, the hate.)

I basically just used the pattern for "Oddfellow" from "Unusual Toys for You to Knit and Enjoy" because, well, it's fast (see above re: follow through). I'm worried that the voodoo doll is a little too, uh, cute. It's pretty cute, isn't it? Not exactly the tool of retaliation and animus I had been going for. Oh well.

Here's the money shot:

Eat pins, Yeti Bitch!

Thank you all for your pro-voodoo comments. I have cast on for a petite voodoo dolly, but I haven't had any luck acquiring the yeti fur. That's ok, you know why? (Aside from the fact that touching her hair is kinda gross.)

I went to an inn/spa this weekend! I left the office early on Friday with my coworker/trench buddy Asya, plus some other girls, for a few days of rest, relaxation and spa treatments. No men or yeti bitches allowed. We ate good food, did nice shopping, I had a massage with a rather disconcerting male hippy masseuse with long fingernails (yuuuuuuuuuck) and a space cult cadence to his speech. 

Everyone in the town of Berkeley Springs, WV is SO. NICE. I mean, god. Coming from the bitchy ass DC Metro Area where you avoid general eye contact until it's time to have a battle of Superiority and Condescension (I can only tie with the homeless people), to a town where everyone from the 7-11 cashier to the art gallery attendant to the artist IN the art gallery strikes up a conversation with you that starts with, "good morning!" and ends with, "have a great day!" was like a breath of fresh air. I highly recommend coming to this town!!

Sadly, I forgot my camera or I could have some lovely pictures to share with you. Oh well, at least I'll have a voodoo dolly soon enough!

So I'm sitting at work, hating my job and staring off into the middle distance ignoring what's going on around me (it's a coping method I developed after learning about the company's "no alcohol" rule) and for some reason my mind wandered over to knitting leg warmers. And I had this mental conversation. (I know, there is all kind of crazy happening in that last paragraph.)

Self: Hm. Legwarmers. That could be cozy, but won't my feet get cold?

Other Self: So add some footies to them.

Self: But that would be like knitting socks. And I don't like knitting socks.

O. Self: Well, don't knit them like socks then. Knit, like, a little foot pouch.

Self: Yeah. So, like, a ribbed leg warmer with a foot bubble at the end of it.

O. Self: Pink would be cool.

PEOPLE. I'VE GONE FUCKING CRAZY.

Exhibit A: I drew a picture.

Because this was an idea that needed illustration.

Sigh.

Anyway, I've done some experimental knitting (NOT anything like the above, I swear!) so I have some quasi-interesting things to post about soon, once I unpin my swatches and take pictures. Oh, and take some happy pills.

It's Monday. Let the hating of life begin!