Another day, another bathroom glamour shot.

 

Cashmere neckwarmer. I used one ball of Grignasco Cashmere Soft and size 13 needles. I know, first silk, now cashmere. Pretty soon my pampered hands will only be able to bear the touch of angel down. And none of those adult angels and their old ass down. Fat baby angels only.

I can say with the utmost confidence that this is the best cashmere EVER. That is E-V-E-R. If it were socially acceptable, I would swathe myself in Grignasco Cashmere Soft /George Costanza. Tragically, it is like $25 for 54 yards. So until I win big in the sugar daddy lottery I will have to make do with swathing just my neckzone.

Here's a close up of the stitch pattern and the button I used.

 

Basically, what we have here is an easy slip stitch pattern, an i-cord button hole and juuuuust enough length to fill in the gap left in the neckline of a coat. I'll probably end up tucking some of that extra length (all, like, four inches of it) under the scarflette, but for picture purposes I let it all hang out.

I already miss knitting this, the yarn is THAT nice. A girl can dream about a Grignasco Cashmere Soft jumpsuit...

More weather inappropriate goods! With 20% more double chin action!

 

Two skeins of Alchemy Silk Purse, and a drop stitch pattern from one of my many How to Knit books. Easy enough, right? No. I am Kim, the Biffer of Patterns, the Non-Perfectionist, the Fucker of This Shit, Man. I don't think anyone will notice the biffs and fuck this shits, though.

Oh, and for the love of dog, y'all, don't ever let me buy yarn this expensive again. Um...Hi Financial Advisor Paul! The yarn was disguised as a mutual fund? And then I went to the Maryland Sheep and Mutual Fund Festival? And did a lot of investing?

The scarf does have multiple functions, though. Not only does it keep my neck warm, it also transforms me into a BADASS NINJA.

 Don't mess with me, I know...KNIT-JITSU. Badass ninja gear offers base protection from airborne contagions. Does not improve eyesight, however does bring out the "blood" in "bloodshot eyes."

Speaking of more expensive things, that trip to Florida. We (the Monkey King and I) went to Orlando to visit his folks. And we went to SeaWorld. And it was MAGICAL. And EXPENSIVE. For $70 a day, damn, I want to see Shamu wrestle a polar bear. I am talking about some gladiator matches between alligators and sharks, okay SeaWorld?

I did get to touch some sea creatures, though. Here I am, giving a "five" to a stingray. And praying that it doesn't wreak spikey-tailed vengeance upon me for touching it with my grubby tourist hands.

I got to touch a dolphin too, but I got yelled at by one of the caretakers because apparently I was not holding my hand in the water correctly. WHATEVER, the dolphin still came to me, drawn by my Beastmaster powers. Sadly, no picture :(

To make up for the lack of dolphin fantasy, here are Spiderman and Venom taking down some villains.

 At the Wild Arctic exhibit, I had a little too much fun with the props. I mean, the insane polar bear was fun, as was all the freaking WALRUS DONG my poor, innocent eyes were exposed to, and the invisible beluga whales that said eyes were NOT exposed to. But it was really all about the props.

 

 Note: I'm not really this capable in the kitchen. Or in the Wild Arctic.

Monkey King and I went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival on Saturday. It was super fun (for me, not so much MK), and I came away with some nice yarn. Um, I don't have any pictures of the yarn yet, so...just take my word for it that it's nice stuff and not spun from monster hair or anything.

Some highlights. Or lowlights. It all depends on how twisted you are.

"Have the lambs stopped screaming, Clarice?"

 

The Whitest Thing I Have Ever Seen. Interesting fact: those plaid shirts were later distilled and made into a potent jug of moonshine. Once drunk, that moonshine granted the drinker the ability to simultaneously play the harmonica, guitar, fiddle, and, uh, stick. Gift? Curse? You decide. All I know is that playing the stick really helps me break the ice at happy hour now.

I also got some knitting done. More stash bustiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Unfortunately for you the viewer, it is more hats. I know, I am becoming Hat Abuse.com but this too shall pass. No, it won't, I'm lying. Hats forever!

One Republic Hat by the talented and funny Nik's Knits made of mystery yarn from Hong Kong (the last of this crap and boy am I happy about that):

And Un Le Slouch by Knit and Tonic. More like Le Stiff due to the yarn I used (2 skeins of GGH Savanna). Oh well, I feel pretty and bohemian in it. Not that I look pretty and bohemian in it, but as long as I can successfully lie to myself, yay! Win!

Oh, who's this in the picture? Someone who couldn't wait two seconds to floss? Don't worry, when he's taking a shower tonight I'll suddenly be unable to wait five minutes to take a shit.

And for the road, remember kids, crack is wack and OMG IS THAT A SPIDER? WHO SAID COPS? ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? IS THAT SPIDER MADE OF CRACK?