I accidentally ate my fork at lunch.

See, my pizza was really hot and it melted my fork a bit. Next thing I know, I'm fishing a fork fragment out of my mouth. I look down at the offending utensil and half the tines are gone. Gone where? GONE INTO MY BELLY.

Office instant messenger conversation:

We have button bands on the Sesame! *applause* Also, in a rare rebellion against weekend lethargy, I even attached one of the sleeves. One more sleeve to go, some buttons I'll hopefully pick up tonight, and we'll have a sweater to model.

Now the bad news (what, like you weren't expecting this?). I'm not ecstatic about the button bands. They're kind of...wavy. Floppy. We'll see how they act after a good steam block. I also don't like how the one shoulder I've got is set. There's a weird little bump being caused by the seam running beneath it. Again, my friends Steam and Cussing will be applied.

I must say, though, my mattress stitch is exquisite. And if you don't pay attention to the little weird things this sweater, unlike many of it's predecessors, will actually be wearable. Crazy, I know, right?!

Ok, I don't want to curse myself, so I'll stop talking about the potential success of this sweater.

Oh, you wanted to know how my weekend went? Something like this: COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK SPIT COUGH COUGH VOMIT COUGH COUGH HACK HACK SPIT. Yes, that is the soundtrack Monkey King so thoughtfully provided for my weekend. Often directly in my ear at full volume.

Pity me.

I haven't done any yarn shopping for weeks. Today I even went on yarn.com, looked around for half a minute and said, "Meh." Then I closed the window. Not even an inkling of an urge to whip out the plastic and buy. So I don't know, folks, I think I'm cured of whatever yarn mania I had. I still like yarn, and when the time comes for a new project requiring new yarn then I'm totally there, I'm just not buying yarn for the sake of it. No fear, I'm sure this is just temporary. It just feels weird.

Knitting stuff: Sesame needs only the button bands and the sleeves sewn in. Shit, I gotta buy buttons for that. I keep forgetting.

I restarted the Harry Potter scarf, only this time I'm doing it the Kim way: Half Ass and Wrong. Instead of casting on 100 stitches (or so) and knitting it in the round, I cast on only 50-ish stitches and I'm knitting it back and forth in 3x1 rib and weaving in the ends as I go. The weaving in as I go is new to me, and kind of fun. Basically, you take the cut end of the yarn, hold it in the back, and weave it in as if you were weaving in the non-showing yarn over a long float of stranded knitting. Did that make sense or is it true that my blood sugar is low? Anyway, that's what I'm doing. Unfortunately, this doesn't exactly make the scarf reversible, but hey, that's the Kim way.

Other stuffs: Monkey King is still sick (yes, STILL). In related news, I am close to a psychotic break due to an overabundance of used tissues lying around the apartment.  

I watched the first season of Desperate Housewives on DVD. What the fuck is all the fuss about? These women suck! They suck hard! Why am I now addicted?! I hope they all die.

I've started dieting and working out again. The dieting is easy (thank you, Lean Results) (There truly is a pill for everything that is wrong with me and that is an awesome thing) but the working out is painful. The good news is that I'm not falling off the treadmill/stairmaster/life stealing torture device gasping desperately in an attempt to force air into my hard, black lungs.

We have officially become my parents. I always said "never," but now we have a TV in the bedroom. It's actually been a real boon because when I shakily limp my way back to the apartment from the House of Pain (aka the workout room) I can now collapse into bed and watch my bad movies. NOTE TO MONKEY KING: Call Comcast and see about getting cable in the bedroom. Added incentive: late night cable "specials." Think about it. (Shut up, y'all! I just want it for watching Law and Order marathons. For reals!)

Anyone have any fun plans for the weekend? Mine involve a coughing boyfriend, watching shitastic movies while lying in sloth, escaping briefly for a girlfriend get together, and more coughing boyfriend. Fun!

I have been laughing on the inside for days thanks to my meeting with the counselor. Let's start from the beginning.

I arrived at the counseling office and was greeted by something trying to imitate a receptionist.

While I waited for somebody to acknowledge my presence (since the receptionist couldn't be bothered to, like, let anyone know I was there) (I mean, magazines don't wait to be read or anything), I listened in on the dumbest person in the universe attempt to type in their online application. The roar of their computer illiteracy was deafening. "WHAT KEY DO I HIT NOW? WHICH ONE IS TAB AGAIN?"

Finally, they left and the person who was helping them turned out to be the counselor.

I found a picture of him online:

Obviously this photo is from his younger days.

He beckoned me with his long, long fingernails (only a few were broken) into his eldritch cave office. I took in my surroundings, noting the piles of paper stacked up to the ceiling, the overflowing bookshelves, the lack of uncovered surfaces and the abundance of terrible prints "decorating" the walls. The only light came from the hallway. The smell was...furry.

He handed me a transcript waver and an old phone book I could use as a makeshift writing surface. With our knees touching as we crouched in the three feet of available floor space, we went over what my plans were.

"Business Administration? You mean...well, that used to mean...let's see what it's called these days." He flipped through a mouldering class schedule. "You see, in the old days we called it Secretarial Sciences. *leer* Then the name got changed, *chuckle* and it's something new these days. Say, are you sure you want this as your major? Really?" He gave me an incredulous look.

I thought to myself, "Well, fuck you too." I gave him a tight lipped smile.

After many uncomfortable minutes of him babbling while he looked for the course while I continued to study my dim surroundings (is that a knife hanging from the ceiling?), he finally found the elusive, and in his opinion, shitty major. I noticed he wore 7 copper arthritis bangles. I must admit, I softened a bit when I saw those. Until I saw the huge chunky rings and garish necklace and figured out that the copper bangles were actually meant as jewelry. Then I went back to disliking him. Even more, because men with more jewelry than Houston trophy wife are a personal pet peeve.

Then it was time to convince him that yes, I do want to go to school to learn how to make coffee and type real good. I mean, that's what people in administrative roles do. We answer the phone between coats of nail polish. After some back and forth he finally typed in whatever code he needed to type in to get me set up in the system. Once he hit the enter key, I stood up, nearly upset a precariously piled stack of catalogs, said thank you and booked it out of there into the light and fresh air.

So there we are, folks. I'm majoring in Business Administrative Science Specialty, in the evenings, and taking a few unnecessary classes to learn Korean. (Mr. Dirty Troll with Opinions didn't think too much of this either.) I start in May! Yippee!

Now I just have to wait for the new class schedule to land on my doorstep so I can pick and choose my classes. Exciting! More good news: My company has tuition reimbursement and the majority of my classes are like, totally eligible. Woot!