I have stared temptation in the face.

I have laughed in said face.

I declined purchasing Elspeth Lavold Silky Wool at 40% off.

Oh yes. I did.

Lamest thing I said today:

"Just call me Kiminy Cricket, the minder of your conscience."

To my boss.

Is it 6:00 pm yet?

Ok, I have been tagged by orangepoppy.

10 Years Ago: Let's see, that was...1995? I was living in Luverne, MN writing an anti-Redneck comic strip. Unsurprisingly, my audience was quite small.

5 Years Ago: Upgrade! I am now living in a suburb of Minneapolis working at RE/MAX. My roommates are incredibly psycho and perhaps at this very moment burning down the apartment, but at least I have a teal Ford Festiva to take me places!

1 Year Ago: I have just moved to Arlington, VA to be with my boyfriend. He must undergo an intensive re-training session now. Also, I am gloriously not working anywhere, taking what may be the last big vacation of my life. Ahhh, I miss that month.

Yesterday: I did some knitting. I failed at cleaning the house. I read internets and watched Beowulf. Now that, is a fucking movie.

Five snacks I enjoy: Toblerone, seaweed and rice, fruit, popcorn, and lobster topped with caviar with a side of filet mignon.

Five songs I know the words to: "Juicy" by Notorious B.I.G., "Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches, and most Nirvana songs. I know, I'm kind of ashamed of that.

Five things I would do with 100 Millions Dollars: Open a kung fu school and train my killer ninja assassin squad to take over the world, end world hunger, persecute some people (you know who you are so you better watch your back), uh, save the rainforest and buy a puppy. A friggin' Pomeranian, man.

Five places I would run away to: Tibet, Fiji, South America (yeah, the whole continent, what?), London and Yo Mama.

Five things I would never wear: Clown makeup, pasties, daisy dukes, cone bras (think Madonna), bald wig. At least, I would never wear these all at once.

Five favorite TV shows: Law & Order SVU, Law & Order CI, Futurama, Oz, and Mind of Mencia.

Five bad habits: How dare you imply that I have bad habits!

Five biggest joys: Getting out of social obligations, watching a good bad movie while knitting, traveling, kissing my boyfriend after he shaves, and being nice to people who appreciate it.

Five favorite toys: I don't really have any toys. Oh, I like my digital camera a lot.

Five fictional characters I would date: The Weasleys from Harry Potter. All of them. Actually, I think that's more than five, but oh well.

I am tagging larakatya, ivyluv, and rachelsent.

I'm exhausted now.

Ugh, I hate teal. And teal hates me.

Teal has plagued me for years. Ever since 1998.

I had a teal car. To make things worse, it was a Ford Festiva. *waits for the laughter to die down*

I browse a lot of knitting websites and blogs. Seems like teal is the color to knit with. Everybody's doing it. If you're knitting, you're doing so with teal yarn. Or pink.

People, nobody looks good in teal, except maybe people who aren't me.

I fucking hate teal. That's what I'm trying to say. I hope it's clear now.

So why, WHY did my perfectly respectable looking ball of Rowan Yorkshire Tweed end up overwhelmed with teal colored tweed flecks? My sweater, it is....teal.

You want to know why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD.

Thank you all for your kind, pro-one blog comments :)

Now, sweater news. I am 4 cm away from casting off for the armholes and doing the raglan shaping and guess what. Guess.

My gauge is off. Way off. Like, it is 3 (maybe 4) inches short in the width department.

Am I going to frog? Fuck no. I'm going to finish this piece and block the shit out of it and make it my bitch and maybe even butt-fuck it a little. I will enact the future sweater abuse for your viewing pleasure.

Kim's Theatre de Violent Sweater Blocking

Me: "Be 21 inches wide, you whore!" *wields sharp, glinty pins*

Sweater: "Please, have mercy, it's not my fault you knit too tight!"

Me: "If it weren't for your cheatin' skankin' ways I wouldn't be so tense! I pin you to a towel now!"

Sweater: "Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! And may I add, you are projecting your personal feelings of failure onto meeeeeeeee!" *dies, hopefully in the correct shape*

Fin.

Breaking Idiot News:

One of our employees, nicknamed Wiggy (cuz she wears a wig) (I'm totally serious) just came up to me to complain that the lights that the building manager replaced above her cube are TOO BRIGHT.

Huh? Wha? Too bright? Wha? Bitch, they are fluorescent. That means they are about as bright as a Glowworm doll. Besides that, wouldn't you want to have bright light at work? For reading? And stuff?

For the record, this is one of my most demanding work idiots. "I need this. I need that. I want this. Get me that." Like, hi, it's called overhead. We try to keep it low. But fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, you inexplicably are in great need of a new cabinet although your current one is ALL RIGHT AS IS. Oh? You need lumbar support? Oh, the lumbar support I specially ordered for you is not good enough? How about this one? No? New chair? New markers set? New glare protector? WHY DON'T I JUST GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN. WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN? ARRRRRRRGH KIM MAD SMASH KILL!

TGIF, indeed.