I'm no guru on the subject, but one of the things I love about knitting blogs is the look into another persons Fashion Reality. Fashion magazines provide a general guideline for What Is Hip, but only up to a point. I mean, seriously, I'm not fucking wearing high waisted skinny pants. Just stop it,Vogue. Ditto the tuxedo blouses. WTF.

My favorite blog thing, my most favorite, is when someone designs something, for themselves. Now, like every other person, I love a well executed Twinkle sweater, a hardy and classic Zimmerman, an elegant lace shawl from the latest Interweaves, and all the other wonderful creations from the endless cornucopia of the knitting world.

But a personal design. When someone says, "This is what I like, and what will look good on me," and they go ahead and fucking make it. I get a frisson at the thought. It's the feeling I get when I look at a pattern posted on personal blogs, or on Craftster.org. It's the feeling I had the entire time I knit this hat:

And the side view (my favorite view):

I even have the pattern for this all ready, right here: http://www.yarnabuse.com/the-kim-cloche/

And for the road, my "OMG, So Emo!" picture.

"Oh Pussycat, I love you so."

"No, Koala, I love YOU so."

"Regardless of who loves who so (and really, it is I who loves the so-est), you play footsie so divinely."

"Do these stripes make me look fat?"

"No, darling, the fat makes you look fat."

"Oh whatever, beyotch, potbelly calling the kettle black."

"You're stifling me."

"Stifle this."

Fin.

This has been another episode of Yarn Abuse Theatre, titled, "In Which Kim Projects Her Own Neurosis Upon Her Finished Objects."

Aw, thank you guys for the feedback on Pinch. I'm still loving my hat, but of course, whenever I make something I'm always "fixing" it after the fact. By "fixing" I mean, "complaining." But regardless of my natural state of dissatisfaction with my work (HELLO, who has PMS over here?), your comments are always such a boost!

So, here is the pattern for anyone who is interested. Pinch, and also, How to Pinch.

In other exciting news (exciting if you're me, that is), Monkey King and I went to see a real live financial advisor. You know, like grown ups do. So I felt very adult for about 2 hours until I came home and it was like 90 degrees in my apartment and I did what I do. You know what I do. I walk around the apartment in my underwear. With my shades up. Hi neighbors! Want to hear about my plans to diversify my portfolio while you stare at my cellulite-y ass-rolls?

Welcome to Yarn Abuse! You come for the knitting, you run screaming from the TMI. I love you, goodnight.

I knitted a hat! Ok, I am embarking on a stash busting mission, so be prepared for lots of "hey look at this small thing I made! Oh, does that yarn look familiar? Like, maybe you saw it a few months ago on my back?" I'm trying to use up all the 1-2-3 leftover balls of yarn I aways have left over from sweaters. Or you know, got on a whim or as a gift. So, I present to you, my new hat, Pinchy:

I made up the pattern on my own from some ideas I had floating around in my head. The yarn, does it look familiar? Like, maybe from a saddle-shoulder Zimmerman sweater? Ok, you got me. I have LOTS of this yarn left over, and this hat took less than one skein.

I'm actually kind of proud of this hat, I learned a new technique for it to pull up the stitches to make those little welts, and I made up the original and clever name PINCHY. Hah.

So yes, stay tuned for more Tiny Projects From the Staaaaaaaaaaaash! *cymbal crash*

Boy, this is awkward. I know I haven't done much blogging in like two weeks. I have the uber-excuse, though, and it's not work related this time. I've been knitting!

Because I'm jellus' of all you bloggers and your cute animals (Murder Fish the Eater of Souls-n-Eyes is not so cute) we took pictures at Petsmart. Adopt a cat, y'all. Unless you are me and your love of cats is less than your love of not paying pet rent.

Ahem, more about the sweater.

Pattern: Raspy by Kim Hargreaves, Denim People.

Yarn: Rowan Denim, 12.5 skeins, in Memphis. IT REALLY DOES SHRINK IN THE WASH OMG!!!

Needles: Addi Turbos in size 5, 6 and 8. Largest size needle was used for bind offs since I seem to bind off really tight.

Blah blah: I knit the medium size, since I intended to insert some short rows (I know, again with the short rows. I should be earning commission on these things.) and I didn't want the sweater all baggy. This gave me a lot of anxiety because my inner fat girl (SHUT UP YOU HAVE ONE TOO) kept nagging me that the sweater would be too small and I would look like a hoooor. Luckily, this did not happen. The short rows did what they were supposed to do so I look all boobalicious and svelte, errr, if I do say so myself. My middle name may be Narcisse, after the Greek god of Damn, Into Yourself Much?

The other modification is the obvious lack of dropped stitches that make Raspy so...raspy. Note to self: think of something actually witty to stick there. That was weak.

Hello, am I a linebacker? Look at those shoulders!

My only bitch is the neck. It chokes me. Yeah, I look like I'm breathing easily here but I have to really yank this thing down because the boat neck wants to rise up and kill me, while at the same time gaping in the back to let in the cold, cold April air. Did you know it snowed here in Virginia yesterday? That is BULLSHIT, and I demand a recount. Also, gaping back = visible backne. There is a reason I don't wear halter tops and it's not because I gave up life on the street corner with Dr. Pimpenstein (name changed to protect the pimpin').

Oh, one more thing, if you are knitting this pattern. If, like me, you see the instructions: "It is not essential but we do suggest that you wind some of the yarn into a hank and wash this along with the pieces for sewing up." save yourself some inarticulate rage and tell Rowan where to stick that suggestion. And to save some space for this mess:

Luckily I was able to untangle enough to seam, but the whole mess wrapped itself around the loose ends I had left on the pieces of knitting themselves, so I had to snip those thus leaving myself much less to weave in than I would have liked.

Finally, for the road, me pleading with Simian Regent for the Fattest Cat in the Cage. Until I remembered about the pet rent.