Ho Ho Ho
Thermal is taking a little break right now. I still like the pattern, and am excited for the finished product, but I need some instant gratification knitting. Also, I caught myself wondering if I could get away with a Thermal-esque vest and somehow "misplace" the rest of the yarn. You know, standard crazy talk.
Enter Christmas knitting. I stopped by Aylin's (love them, and they finally got their air conditioning sorted out), and picked up enough yarn for a few small gifts for the fam.
Now, Christmas is a time of strife in my family. Greed, Midwest passive-aggression and holiday induced alcoholism (not so holiday induced for my dad) all work together to cause me migraines and credit card debt. But not this year! I have a plan, a plan that does not include the words, "Master" and "Card" even!. And hopefully the hand-made hard work I put in will obviate such holiday cheerfulness as, "why the fuck did you buy me a doll in Thailand? I don't play with dolls." My dad, ladies and gentlemen! Hm, suddenly I'm thirsty for some heavily fortified eggnog.
One hank of Crystal Palace Cotton Chenille for a reverse bloom flower washcloth. This will go to my great aunt. It will also be completely unappreciated, because she sucks. This is okay, because now she'll know how I feel when she gives me her Avon freebies (CHAPSTICK FOR CHRISTMAS WTF), and I will enjoy knitting it all the same.
Four balls of Adrienne Vittadini yarn I'm going to use to make a scarf for my dad. I fully expect his ungracious ass to have something snotty to say, as he does every Christmas no matter what he gets (see above re: gifts from a fucking FOREIGN COUNTRY), so you know what? I bought this yarn on CLEARANCE. Hah! I'm sure it will be nowhere near as cool as the now traditional garage sale/dumpster diving find my dad will give me. I put on my psychic hat and I see...A single brass candleholder! Because I liked candles when I was 15.
Two balls of Plymouth Galway (100% wool) for a hat and mittens set. They will be for Grandpa, and he will love them because unlike the above two, he rocks. I'll probably just use the simplest pattern I can find, so that he'll actually wear them.
Yay, only three months until the angriest time of the year! It'll still be cool, my aunt and her boyfriend are awesome and my grandpa is the shit, so I think I can handle drunk dad and the racist Avon lady. Also, the liquor store in Luverne is always open, and it's next door to the gun shop.
Yarn Abuse
21 Comments
Reader Comments (21)
If I had it my way I would run away to a cozy cabin in the woods, cross country ski and watch old black and white films while knitting all kinds of cool stuff.
I too received old AVON crap as gifts for every birthday and Christmas the entire time my Grandpa was married to my step grandmother.
Good luck with your projects! Ciao! :0)
too cute.
I wish you great joy knitting your holiday gifts, and give your grandpa a hug from the internets.
Not that they weren't treating us progressively worse before the layoffs anyway. I mean, they were overtime fanatics - it's a good thing I don't have kids, because I never would have seen them. From 2000 to spring of 2005, I don't think I worked less than 50 hours a week. After I left, they were even getting rid of the good health insurance.
I'm saying all this just, you know, in case there's an awkward silence at Christmas this year and you need to fill it with vitriol. :) Not because I feel like venting in your comments for no reason. Felt good, though.
What is it about the holidays that makes people so damn unappreciative? Then if you get tired of their crap and tell them it's not worth it to get them anything- you end up being the asshole.
It would be great to cancel Christmas for people who don't have kids. Of course then everyone would say that they actually really loved the whole thing!
You've reminded me why I refuse to do handknit gifts for the holidays. Especially for the in-laws - gah. Never again.
a) no more knitted gifts for anyone
b) I don't really even have to celebrate Christmas. I'm going to Vega$.
On behalf of the X-mas presents received from my one aunt and grandmother throughout the years, I am inclined to believe they just do NOT like me. Along with cheap touristy t-shirts, generic brand body-lotions, and acrylic socks (not knitted by themselves), they sort of topped it of a couple of years ago: My grandmother gave me ceramic tile with ten reasons why grandmothers are oh-so grand inscriped upon it. And from auntie B the Beast I received a pair of fire-engine red knickers (underwear) that would've made any old dock-prostitute envious - and they were size X-tra Large (I'm a Small, if not X-tra Small). Now I at least know where auntie B the Beast buys her undies - from cheap porn-store catalogs. Sort of a comfort.
Actually, I think I will knit these two mongrels something this year. Something outright hideous, with colours so bold and bright and mismatched that they would cause sore eyes, epileptic fits, and hopefully an end to granny's and auntie's ludicrous choice of gifts.
Choice of yarn? Oh cheap, low-skate acrylic!!!
And the best thing is the knowledge that they will wear it when we meet up for X-mas lunch on Boxing Day - shite bourgoise up-bringing!
That throw is dead to me.