More weather inappropriate goods! With 20% more double chin action!

 

Two skeins of Alchemy Silk Purse, and a drop stitch pattern from one of my many How to Knit books. Easy enough, right? No. I am Kim, the Biffer of Patterns, the Non-Perfectionist, the Fucker of This Shit, Man. I don't think anyone will notice the biffs and fuck this shits, though.

Oh, and for the love of dog, y'all, don't ever let me buy yarn this expensive again. Um...Hi Financial Advisor Paul! The yarn was disguised as a mutual fund? And then I went to the Maryland Sheep and Mutual Fund Festival? And did a lot of investing?

The scarf does have multiple functions, though. Not only does it keep my neck warm, it also transforms me into a BADASS NINJA.

 Don't mess with me, I know...KNIT-JITSU. Badass ninja gear offers base protection from airborne contagions. Does not improve eyesight, however does bring out the "blood" in "bloodshot eyes."

Speaking of more expensive things, that trip to Florida. We (the Monkey King and I) went to Orlando to visit his folks. And we went to SeaWorld. And it was MAGICAL. And EXPENSIVE. For $70 a day, damn, I want to see Shamu wrestle a polar bear. I am talking about some gladiator matches between alligators and sharks, okay SeaWorld?

I did get to touch some sea creatures, though. Here I am, giving a "five" to a stingray. And praying that it doesn't wreak spikey-tailed vengeance upon me for touching it with my grubby tourist hands.

I got to touch a dolphin too, but I got yelled at by one of the caretakers because apparently I was not holding my hand in the water correctly. WHATEVER, the dolphin still came to me, drawn by my Beastmaster powers. Sadly, no picture :(

To make up for the lack of dolphin fantasy, here are Spiderman and Venom taking down some villains.

 At the Wild Arctic exhibit, I had a little too much fun with the props. I mean, the insane polar bear was fun, as was all the freaking WALRUS DONG my poor, innocent eyes were exposed to, and the invisible beluga whales that said eyes were NOT exposed to. But it was really all about the props.

 

 Note: I'm not really this capable in the kitchen. Or in the Wild Arctic.