Well, one of my knitting dreams came true. My boyfriend made a knitting request. For a hat!

Immediately, knitting fantasies began to form. I knew just what I would do. Like, totally funky. A hat with random welts knitted into it to form a kind of scrunched look. Totally hot, right? And it would be a wild color. Maybe even Noro! And then I would have a PHOTOSHOOT. And he would look CUTE. And be GRATEFUL.

No. This is what I got.

"Please please please can I have just a black hat like the one I have nowwwwwwwww?"

"Aw man, I have to pose? Why. Why do I have to pose? I'm not posing."

"Yeahthanksforthehatcanwegobackin?"

I started out with the directions found in Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns, in that I cast on for the adult large beanie hat. I did the turn line after 2" instead of 3" because I am lazy and Monkey King was making faces like this at me during fittings:

His face is gonna freeze that way. When I pour liquid nitrogen on it.

I continued straight through to the decrease part, and then I realized the decreases called for would not look like the original hat so I had to change it up. Oh, and the yarn is Sirdar Country Style, which is a washable wool/acrylic blend and is very soft.

Here's what the top ended up looking like. Pretty ordinary.

So there we go. Maybe now Monkey King will stop asking me to knit him things like dick warmers (he doesn't know they really exist) and gloves that are only fingertips or whatever other retarded things he thinks of when I'm knitting and not paying enough attention to him BECAUSE HE CRUSHED MY DREAMS OF A COOL HAT AND PHOTOSHOOT.

I still love him though. Really hard with my fists.