1. Knitting will not build a crazy shrine to you.
    a. Unless you want it to. Then knitting will go all out, using scraps of clothing you left behind, making garlands out of your hair (which is really why you should always clean your hairbrushes) and purchasing pure white candles. Pure like your pure, pure love that knitting truly regrets losing! Can't you see that knitting has changed? That knitting really means it that things can work out? Look! Knitting has kept the room you last slept in exactly the way you left it when you left knitting two years ago! Come baaaaaaaaaaaack!

2. Knitting will never grab a handful of your thigh fat and give you "the look." Knitting will just rest there, lovingly, happy to be with you no matter how big your thigh is.

3. Knitting is not shy, is happy to be included in the conversation, but also knows when it's not appropriate for the spotlight to be on them. Knitting understands when it's time to go back in the bag. Knitting would never dream of hogging everyone's attention. Unlike some ex's I know. Who should either a) just stop or, b) get some new material because we've heard all your jokes and stories a million times and haven't you noticed that we stopped laughing months ago?

4. Your friends and family all love knitting. "Where's your knitting?" they always say. If they haven't seen knitting for a while, they grow concerned. "Something's wrong, we haven't seen any sign of knitting for a long time." This is usually when you confess that you only have six months to live and you are too busy sorting your stash to knit.

5. Knitting loves all the activities that you love. You like to travel? Why, so does knitting! Knitting will travel with you! Wanna see a ball game? So does knitting! Want to sit on the couch, drinking beer and staring at the television 364 days out of the year *raises hand*? Guess who else does? KNITTING! Knitting also enjoys fine dining and walks on the beach, unlike everybody else.

6. Jealousy is a foreign concept to knitting. Knitting understands completely that there will be other hobbies and interests in your life. I mean, you existed before you discovered knitting, right? Even if you and knitting have been together a long time, you're not freaking Siamese twins, for god's sake, you're different people. You're allowed to have different friends. You can see whoever you want, OKAY?! JUST BACK OFF. Oh, oops, sorry. I may have projected some previous anger there. I know you understand, knitting. That's why I love you.

7. You know you think about knitting all the time. You know what? Knitting is also thinking about YOU all the time. In a good way. Isn't that wonderful? Mutual obsession. It brings a tear to my eye. 

8. You can hate knitting. If things with knitting don't work out, you can scream at it, bitch, moan, gossip about it. Shove it in a dark place and forget about it. Neglect it. Then, you can rip it out and start all over again. Show me an ex that will let you do THAT to them! No, wait, don't. I want to eat sometime in the future.

9. Like some of your exes, knitting doesn't spend any money on you. Unlike some of your exes, knitting provides so much emotional enrichment and psychological satisfaction, you don't care. You gladly go into debt for knitting.

10. Knitting probably won't blog about you behind your back. But you can blog about knitting all you want! Knitting encourages this!